Naboth's Vineyard

So my husband was being a total wimp and here is what happened. He wanted Naboth's vineyard because it was close to the palace so he said that he would get him a vineyard better than that one or he would pay him for it. Naboth said that the Lord forbid that I give you the land of my fathers. So Ahab came home all sullen and angry because of he was afraid to do anything about it. Then he sat on his bed and refused to eat! Then I said to my Pitiful Husband is this how the king of Israel acts when he doesn't get his way. So I had to get the vineyard for him to get him to stop moping around. So I wrote letters and forged my husbands signiture, placed his seal on it and it was ready to go. It said:

"Proclaim a day of fasting and seat Naboth in a prominent place among the people. But seat two scoundrels opposite him and have them testify that he has cursed both God and the king. Then take him out and stone him to death."

And they did as I commanded. Then when my husband got news that Naboth was dead, he returned to his old self. Then stupid Elijah went to Naboth's vineyard as Ahab was there and told just as dogs had licked up Naboth's blood they will lick up your blood. So Elijah prophecied that he would bring disater on us. Then he said that we would be like the house of Jeroboam and Baasha. Then he said that I would be devoured by dogs.