MAHAHAHAHAH!!!!!!!

This is Jehu by the way the person who is responsible for killing Jezebel.
So I went to go see Jezebel and I said to servants to throw her down and they did. Some of her blood splattered on the wall and the horses as they had trampled her underfoot. I said take care of this women for she was a king's daughter. But when they went to bury her all that was left was her skull, feet, and hands. She had been devoured by dogs as Elijah a prophet of God had prophecied.

Ahaziah

The son of Ahab was Ahaziah and he ruled over all of Israel for two years, although he was just like his dad and that is why I love him so much, he was exactly like Ahab. He worshiped Baal just as his and I did before him. He is a true king over Israel. Ahab would had been so proud to see his son follow in his ways, I know I am.

Ahab's Death

I am very sad to report that my husband, Ahab is dead. He and Jehosaphat were making up a plan at Ramoth Gilead. Jehosaphat said that he would dress in disguise and Ahab was going to where royal robes. They were fighting against the king of Aram, who had 22 chariot commanders. Then when chariot commanders had seen Jehosaphat they thought that surely this was the king of Israel, but when Jehosaphat cried out, they knew that it wasn't Ahab and they stopped pursing him. Then someone drew an arrow and shot the Ahab right between the sections of his armour. He told his chariot commander to stop and while he was propped and the blood ran onto the floor. He had watched all day and he had finally died in the evening. Then after that all of the army had said back to your country, back to your homeland. So my beloved Ahab had died and they barried him in Samaria to lay with his fathers before him. They washed the chariot at the pool in Samaria where the prostitutes bathed and dogs licked up his blood.

Michaiah

So Ahab was going to take over Ramoth Gilead, but took some advice from the prophet before he went. The prophets of course said GO, but Jehosaphat said is there not a prophet of God that we can ask of. Ahab replied that there is a man that is a prophet of God but he never prophecies anything good. His name is Micaiah. So Jehosaphat said that is no way to talk about a prophet and so he sent for him. So the king of Israel and the king of Judah waited for his presence. Zedekiah son of Kenaanah said brought iron horn and said this is what you will gore the Arameans with. All of the other prophets said the same thing and said to go to Ramoth Gilead and destroy the Aramians. Micaiah had come and said go and be victorious against the Arameans, but Ahab said to tell him the truth. Micaiah said that he saw a flock of sheep on the hill and said that there was no shepherd and said that they would all go home in peace. So Ahab went.

Naboth's Vineyard

So my husband was being a total wimp and here is what happened. He wanted Naboth's vineyard because it was close to the palace so he said that he would get him a vineyard better than that one or he would pay him for it. Naboth said that the Lord forbid that I give you the land of my fathers. So Ahab came home all sullen and angry because of he was afraid to do anything about it. Then he sat on his bed and refused to eat! Then I said to my Pitiful Husband is this how the king of Israel acts when he doesn't get his way. So I had to get the vineyard for him to get him to stop moping around. So I wrote letters and forged my husbands signiture, placed his seal on it and it was ready to go. It said:

"Proclaim a day of fasting and seat Naboth in a prominent place among the people. But seat two scoundrels opposite him and have them testify that he has cursed both God and the king. Then take him out and stone him to death."

And they did as I commanded. Then when my husband got news that Naboth was dead, he returned to his old self. Then stupid Elijah went to Naboth's vineyard as Ahab was there and told just as dogs had licked up Naboth's blood they will lick up your blood. So Elijah prophecied that he would bring disater on us. Then he said that we would be like the house of Jeroboam and Baasha. Then he said that I would be devoured by dogs.

Hey

Hey Mr. Flowers
go to the album by Rihanna and then when it pops up click on Disturbia

Prophet

So there is a prophet of God that has been wandering around town killing people because they did not obey the God, by the way he was asking people to strike at him with something. So he goes up to another man and says, "Strike me please" so he did and he walked into the street and disguised himself with his headband over his eyes. He waited patiently for the king and said to the king, "Your servant went into the thick of battle, and someone came to me with a captive and said, 'Guard this man. If he is missing , it will be your life for his life, or you must pay a talent (about 75 pounds) of silver.' While your servant was busy here and there, the man disappeared." The prophet removed his headband and the king knew that it was a prophet of God. Here is what the prophet said, "You have set a man free I have determined should die. Therefore it is your life for his life, your people for his people." So the king walked away all sullen and grumpy.

Mahahahahaha!

Yah, so a prophet came to husband and he was all like I am going to give this battle in to your hands and you will know that the Lord your God has given you this victory. Yah, like that will ever happen. So Ben-Hadad and 32 other kings that he allied with were entering the war, but that night they had all gotten drunk probably talking about that how they were going to win the war. NOT!! The young officers struck down there opponents but Ben-Hadad had ran away like the coward he is on horseback with some of his horsemen. The Arameans had suffered heavy losses. The next spring they came back and thought that our gods were of the hills and so they fought us on the plains, but our God was of the world and said that he would deliver us again and that we would know that he was the God of gods. On the seventh day war collided and we were in the lead and the rest of the Arameans escaped to the city of Aphek where a wall fell on 27,000 of them. So we won and we had made a treaty with them in exchange for there land. So we did because he was our brother.

Stupid Messages

So yesterday, my husband, King of Israel, Ahab, got a message from Ben-Hadad saying that your gold and silver are mine and so is your wives and children. Then Ahab didn't know what to do so he went to the elders or the wise men and actually asked for advice instead of asking me, my husband is a wimpy man who thinks he is manly but he isn't. So I normally have to get things done for him. So anyway he said that he could not meet Ben-Hadad's needs and then he got another message from Ben-Hadad. It said, "May the gods deal with me, be it ever so severely, if enough dust remains in Samaria to give each of my men a handful." Then my husband replied, "One who puts on his armour should not boast like one who takes it off." I really have no idea what any of these means though, but I guess that is okay because I don't really care.

Mt. Carmel

OMG! Elijah just killed all of our prophets!!!!!! They wanted to see which was the real god. His God won!!! They were trying to the gods to bring down fire on an alter. Elijah even soaked his alter with water like a kajillion times!! Our prophets could get our god to do nothing, we were cutting ourselves and dancing to!!! Then it was Elijah's turn and his came down like immediately, there was this ball of fire like a rocket coming down from the sky, it was unbelievable. I bet he cheated somehow, I don't know how, I just know that he did somehow. Then after that he slaughtered all of the prophets of Ba'al, every single one of them!!! Now the next time I can get my hands on his little neck he will die like no other man! I will torture him and make him my slave, and when he dies I will use his body as a dartboard. He has already ran and hid from me, that coward, his god is supposed to be the ONE TRUE GOD. I don't know where he is hiding but when and if he ever shows up here again, he is so mine!!!!

Moving In

Today I moved to Israel and I am the Ahab's wife. Now everyone will call me the Queen of Israel. Whoever doesn't shall feel my wrath, and i will hang them or do something terrible to them. Did I mention that my father is a King, his name is Ethbaal and he rules over all of the Sidonians, and just in case you didn't know by the name he serves and worships Ba'al. So should all of the Israelites by the time I am done with them. My husband the King of Israel just set up a temple so that we will be able to worship Ba'al freely.